The up's and down's of Beauty......

Today i've eaten...

Fri, 26 May 2006 06:56:49 GMT

Today...

Bowl of weight watchers cereal = 155 cals
Apple = 65 cals
Hot choc = 43 cals

total so far- 263

I have just burnt 300 cals at the gym all cardio!

How do i feel!? Fucking fantastic!

Where do i wanna be right now? 59kg...

Thu, 25 May 2006 07:28:06 GMT

Hey,

Hmmmmm....

Today :

Apple - 80 cals
Sandwich- 200 cals,
Frozen yogurt - 200 cals.

TOTAL 480 CALS.

- CALS THAT I WALKED OFF TISMORN...

im negative something at the moment. anyways im off to work :(....

Dang. And please, please do not eat when you get home!

8km walk

Thu, 25 May 2006 01:19:17 GMT

Fantastic start to today!

A 8km walk, in an hour and ten minutes.
(519 calories in 1 hr 10 min- www.caloriesperhour.com)

And havn't eaten a thing. And it's going to stay that way until AT LEAST 4PM (then perhaps a little something lite, low cal, because i have to go to work for 4.5hrs).

And then nothing else when i get home! :) Food=Fat. Something that i deffinetly do not want to be! Think about all ur fat friends, shovelling food into their fat mouths. Ew. I deffinetly do not want to be them! (which will happen if you eat!)

I am telling all my friends that i really want to loose 3kg (okay, really like 5kg or more...) by my 21st (which is in a month and a bit, yay!).

They keep saying stuff like "oh god, no you dont need to loose 3kg, youre skinny enough!".

I hate that

Because i'm not skinny enough. Far from it!

Anyways, the point of telling all my friends that i want to loose weight for my 21st, well it gives me an excuse to be eating hardly anything, and exercising really intensly. And they'll just be like "well, fair enough, she just wants to loose weight for her 21st". Hopefully that's what they'll be like. I reckon they will.

Anyways, today i'm just gunna be sitting here in front of my computer looking up heaps of definitions of things for uni (got a presentation next tuesday, need to know deff's because if the lecture ask "well wat does 'insert word here' mean?"...I can just be like "the deffinition is...." and rattle it off like i'm really smart. Booyar!

I am off. Need to put makeup on, blow dry hair, straighten hair, then put on trackies (comfy studying trackies!)and warm jumper.

See you! xox

No eating girly!

Wed, 24 May 2006 11:31:10 GMT

GARH!

fuck fuck fuck...you just ate so much you stupid girl!

from now til Monday, you are on a strict 500 cal-per-day-diet!

that's all you get a day - FATTY! - 500 cals...

take it!

Thu, 18 May 2006 10:54:27 GMT

Ate today:

A medium sized apple- 75 cals
A medium frozen yogurt (those low cal, 99% fat free ones! yum! )- 245 cals
A bowl of cereal -200 cals
2 mini oreo bickies - approx 80 cals

TOTAL = 600 CALORIES

Exercised today:

Run - 50 cals
Bike- 100 cals
Stepper - 145 cals
Run - 50 cals

TOTAL = 345 cals

TOTAL CALORIES MINUS CALORIES BURNT = 255 CALORIES! yay for me, very happy with that result. Bring on the weight loss i say!

Mon, 15 May 2006 02:00:42 GMT

Okay,
so i havent written in here for ages. and im cringing as i write this. BUT, this is what has happened...

I went back and tried eating 'kinda' normal (like not extremely normal, no junk food (Never!) and still counted the calories all the time (i guess that's just something thats gunna be with me for the rest of my life), sticking under 1300 each day...) and i just sat at around 60kg.which was good, cuz i thought i'd put on much more weight than that!

Well my worst nightmare has come to true! I just weighd myself tismorning and i'm 63kg! ARGH! what the hell? 3 kg over the period of one day? how? but? what the?

My boobs are big as today too. maybe its just hormonal? well thats what im trying to put it down to- but my mind just keeps thinking, maybe after eating normal for 3 weeks its all just come on, overnight??!!

So here's my plan, Im going to drop my calorie intake by 500 calories. Hopefully by the last day of May (31st) I'll be back to my 60 kg before. {still really would love to get to 59kg!}... luck is needed!

Sick....ARGH!

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 02:54:46 GMT

hey there, well ive been completly sick as a dog for the past few days, gastro! yay, not. my stomach and intestines just wont stop cramping up on me and anything that goes into me - ie food, comes straight back out. It kinda sucks, but im now back to 60kg...

I havnt been able to go to the gym since wednesday night, and really wanna go today. Cant though. And also i havnt been able to work. Which sucks. I need the moneys.

I just feel like shit. i havnt had a smoke for like 2 days nearly-just becuz i cant even bare the thought of smoking, it'll make me chuck. and i have absolutly nothing left in me to throw up...agh.

hope i feel better soon. stay to your 60 kg...if im not better soon i'll probly get to 59kg...?? mmmm i like that idea. but hate the feeling of being sick!

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 05:41:28 GMT

Hey,

Well here's my goal. I am going to back to 58kg by next Friday - that's like 9 days. I can easily do that right?

Well i HAVE to do it.

Any ways I am off to the gym...hour work out or class? i think i'll choose a class. They inspire me with all those little hot girls that go. I will be one of them soon :)

Wish me luck, i need it!

NO MORE BINGE EATING!

think 58kg- you can do it!

Not happening!

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 04:10:34 GMT

Uhhh...So i tried eating "normally" for a few days...since saturday (its now tuesday)..and i put on 2kg! even 2.5kg!

Barhhh...

So i am going back to my old ways, except increasing my exercise so that i move my arse at least 6 outa the 7 days a week.

So far so good, yesterday i went on a 9km brisk walk - jogged some parts of it, and in about half an hour im going on a walk up the street with my bf - thats 2.5 km each way, so a total of a 5 km walk, and im gunna make him walk fast as!

And then at 5pm i am going to a Gym class.

But here's the shit part, i have to eat tea with my bf, he's making home made pizza...spose its not as bad as REAL gross pizza...but still. I'll just have 2 slices :)

And then salads and salads and salads for the rest of the week :)

I wanna get back to 59kg...and stay there! not gain!

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 02:58:18 GMT

28 Hours into it

Going very good...all ive had was that bar yesterday at 113 cals :) tops!

Keep wishing me well...i still got 3 and a half days to go!!

and i decided too that once it gets to monday im going to start back on the one sandwhich a day thing, and if i need one bowl of cereal. it worked for me getting that first 10kg off, so im gunna do it again, and im also increasing my exercise regimes (ive been 3 outa 4 days this week so im off to a good start) and also im only going to eat TAKEAWAY/TAKEOUT(ew gross) once every 2 weeks...(becuz i have all these dinners and stuff to go to for 21st, but im just going to go show up late "oops i missed dinner, thats ok ill just have a diet coke..." or not go at all.

That's my new plan as on Monday 6pm. And i still need to get to 56kg! I hate being stuck! HATE IT!

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 11:41:59 GMT

24hrs and 41 minutes

one natural bar - 108 cals

thats all for today

cant wait for tmrw...bring it on....

21 hours

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 06:59:57 GMT

Hey

Almost 21 hours into my fast. Going good as. Havn't eaten a thing all day- very happy, and now ive gotta go to work at 6pm- until probly about 10 or 11pm, so i won't be eating then :)

And when i get home, i always get hungry, so if i am hungry i will have a weight watchers soup. AND THAT'S ALL!

Just been drink s/f V, love that stuff, and i had a diet coke. Good work for me

Thinking 58kg again....Come on....

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 02:17:50 GMT

Okay...so it's now 15 hrs and 16 minutes into my 5 day fast.

I have the onset of hunger pangs, which i just absolutly looooove!

Keep going...you know you wanna get to 56kg...

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:13:22 GMT

*The Important Stuff*
Age	20
Weight	59kg
Height	173-4cm
BMI	19.73
Highest Weight	70-71 kg
Lowest Weight	53kg (it was the best day ever) but i stayed54kg for a while there
Goal Weight	52kg....
Fave Food	anything with heaps of sugar in it...
Fave Drink	s/f red bull
Fave Excersize	aerobics classes of any sort
Thinspo	the girls i live with at college...
Where you slip it up	at night
When did it start?	about 6 months ago now...
Why did it start?	it's a reoccurance...ive done this before. I can't remember the exact reason it started, perhaps perfection?
Does anyone know?	maybe my bf? im not going to go ask him if he knows though. who cares?
Do you want help?	no
Worst binge food?	chocolate and lollies
Fave dieting food?	water! s/f red bull! 43 cal hot choc!
Calories per day?	200 is ideal!
What do you see when you look in the mirror?	"oh, i could loose weight off here, here, here, here" the list is fucking endless....
Are you the fat or thin one out of your friends?	ummmm, in the middle?
Are you in a relationship?	yes
Do you have other diagnosed mental illnesses?	no
Do you think you do?	im starting to think i may be depressed a little- i dont even wanna go out and see friends, or my bf, or anyone. i just wanna stay in this room. where im comfortable.
Do you self harm?	no
Ever attempted suicide?	yes
Been to a psychologist?	yes, once and only once.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:15:47 GMT

Still a fatty.

I just ate my last meal. that should last me AT LEAST until monday , if not until the next week (& i really shouldnt have eaten that meal - but it was for a trivia night thing at college...) But now im kinda glad i did, cuz it will keep me full until god knows when!!!!

And ive made a concious decision that i'm NOT going to weigh myself until Saturday morning. Okay?

(I wonder if i can make it until Satty morning without weighing myself? I do it every morning, a.s.a.p, so wish me luck, i feel I'm going to deffinetly need it!)

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 04:15:49 GMT

Hey there
HMMMMMM well i had the shittest weekend with food. I ate so much crap, do not even bother to ask. Just crap.

So today (and yesty...kinda) not eating very much at all-sticking to under 200 cals.

Exercising every day this whole week.

Must get back to 58kg. I was 60kg when i got bak, and i was 59kg tismorning. STILL NO 58!

god, how am i ever ever going to get to the 56kg i want?

How?!

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 12:19:23 GMT

AHHHHHHHHHH

I just can't seemed to budge from the 59kg im sitting on....fucker!

AND....to make things worse, i have the WORST BADDEST weekend coming up...visiting bf p's, 21st, going home....mother fucker. Guess i just don't care until monday when im coming home. And then i be so god damn good until, well, FOREVER! i have to start a fast, starting monday!

Okay, so fast starting monday, as soon as i wake up until Wednesday night (have to go out for dinner) and then i'll have wed dinner, and then fast again until Saturday! That's right, only one meal for next week. Can she do it? YES SHE FUCKING CAN AND WILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How bad do u wanna be that 56kg ? Common'!

Think on that one............Just think about it all the time.........THINK!

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 11:47:40 GMT

Ok, today i have eaten 42 plus, hmmm just doing the maths, 84 cals, that equals what? 126...oh and 80...206 cals. thats a good day, although it woulda been much much better if that total was under 200. but eh....only 6 over...no sweat (unless i weigh myself tmrw morn and im still 59-60kg...grrrrr.

nite

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 08:40:23 GMT

Hey,
its now been 30 hrs and 30 minutes since food...

I have to admit though i have eaten 2 wicked fiz's (at 42 cals each that = 84 cals)

Very proud of myself.......continue like this girly!!!!!

oh my fuking god......

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 05:07:28 GMT

Fuck, i have just had the worst hour of my life....

I spose i woke up feeling crappy, even though my beautiful gorgeous boy was in bed with me...I think it was just the thought of how my day was going to be filled with stupid arse lectures that i really couldn't give two hoots about.

Anyways, the last hour of a lecture, just gone i was just sitting there scribbling crap down on paper, hoping i'd remember it, drifting in and out of thoughts in my head about how crap a day it was - its fucking raining- then we got out of the lecture and i walked outside, not thinking (but as if u'd fucking think of it!) that my fucking thongs would be slippery against the pavement i was about to set foot on. And i went, HEAD OVER ARSE onto the pavement! in front of my whole class. Mother fucker, and it HURT! i think im bleeding from my elbow (im gunna take off my jumper and check that one soon...) and my arse, omg, my arse is still in pain.

No one laughed. Thank god. Everyone was helpful. But i think i'd of rather ppl had of laughed.

Anyways. its now been 14hrs without any food. im happy about that. at least i got one good thing going for me....

MOTHER FUCKING RAIN!

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 09:14:34 GMT

Just ate a whole thing of noodle bar...curry chicken.

Fuck. I am going now to throw it up. hope to god no one hears me.

Fuck.

FUCK 60KG? WTF?

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 11:38:40 GMT

But i did just eat jelly (500 mls of water) and then a drank a 1.25 ltr of diet solo...maybe its all just water weight? i fucking better hope fucking so...........!

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 09:23:21 GMT

Hey there,
well today was MEANT to be my 0 cal day.But nup, i ate. But only 2 LCM type bars, that are only like 60 cals each, so i have deffinetly stayed under 200 cals. Which is very good :)

And i was just sitting up on the couch with some of the girls and they were all eating theyre dinner (which looked so nice, spag bol...)and i just sat there thinking of how fat theyre all gunna get so i didnt want any (cuz they asked if i wanted any, but i said i'd already eaten..) BUT.... then my stomach starting grumbling so loud....and they were all like "i thought ud eaten already..."

Fuck its getting hard to hide. I live with a bunch of other ppl on campus. It sucks like that.

But now im just filling my stomach up with diet solo (drinking like half a litre) so my stomach wont grumble at me any more...

58.5kg tismorning....

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 09:43:41 GMT

Hey there.
Today was okay. I hung out with my boy, he made me eat though. I wish those sorta things wouldnt happen. I ate a small handful of chips and a few mouthfuls of chicken snitzle (then i claimed it was gross, and i didnt like it...blah blah you know) and i ate some popcorn.

That's all i'm eating now :) Im just chewing chewy to keep my mouth busy and drinking energy drinks when i get a little hungry.

Latley ive been thinking. I am not sure if this obsession with food has control of my life, actually thats not the point, i know it has. Which i hate. i REALLY do. But, if i wanna be thin and gorgeous then it HAS to have control, i need to be in control of what i am putting in my mouth. Otherwise i will get fat, and gross, and fat.

FAT, ewwwwwwwwww.

Like i used to be.

And i am not going back to being in the 60's. I love the 50's. Just to get to 56kg though, i'd love that (but here's the thing....) i am afraid that when i get to 56kg, i will just want to go lower and lower, and the obsession will forever control my life. Do i want this?
70% YES, 30% NO.

Stop thinking girly!!! Stop thinking about everything. Actually you should deffinetly start thinking about your relationship, the boy is totally moving away from you....remember this....

and remember how gorgeous you WILL be....so i guess....keep it up

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 12:17:13 GMT

i think i'm going to go have a smoke....

Poor me. That meal was yummy. That's all for today daaarrrling. That's all....back onto diet coke and chewy....mwah